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I think back over the early years of my life and I am grateful today for having learned "that it doesn't have to be that way anymore". I remember sitting by myself and dreaming about what it would be like to be "somebody". I was nobody in my eyes. I always dreamed of being smart, big and tough, not afraid of anyone, good looking with all kinds of girlfriends. Of course to be this way you had to be important, be the boss, and have everyone scared of you. I didn't qualify.
My dad was a small man, but people were afraid of him because he was the boss and would fire them if they didn't do his bidding. I was afraid of him because he would beat the living hell out of my brothers and me for not getting done what he thought we should, or for not doing it the way he thought we should do it. He would use his fists, a club, a piece of rubber hose, a hammer or whatever else was handy. We all carried welts and bruises quite a bit of the time. It is hard to write about the pain and fear that took place growing up at my house.
My mother was a prescription drug addict and my dad was an alcoholic. They fought almost every day, verbally and physically. I do not remember sitting down to a meal that we could really enjoy because of the fights. They would get into an argument and most of the time it would escalate into a physical fight using scoop shovels, pitch forks, pieces of two by fours, a crow bar, whatever was handy. To be five or six years old and witness something like this, wondering if they were going to kill one another, leaves a lasting and frightening impression. I witnessed this kind of goings on until I was seventeen years old and finally got out of the house.
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